


Possession

by Niler



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 20:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7479387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niler/pseuds/Niler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hmm, not sure this is what was requested. Scratch that  I'm SURE it's not :P But things go the way the go.</p>
<p>For centaurian Wisdom who requested: "a canon fic from liam's pov about the time he found out about zayn's engagement right up to the time he proposed around nov 2013... loads of angst and liam's possessiveness jealousy and love and adoration of zayn."</p>
<p>That's a great scenario and any writer who sees this feel free to write it for her (him?)</p>
<p>Guys, this is me done.</p>
<p>If you are still around by the time I eventually write more of the Ziam into original novels (to completion) I'll give you a heads up when they go live on Amazon.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Possession

**Author's Note:**

  * For [centaurianwisdom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/centaurianwisdom/gifts).



> Hmm, not sure this is what was requested. Scratch that I'm SURE it's not :P But things go the way the go.
> 
> For centaurian Wisdom who requested: "a canon fic from liam's pov about the time he found out about zayn's engagement right up to the time he proposed around nov 2013... loads of angst and liam's possessiveness jealousy and love and adoration of zayn."
> 
> That's a great scenario and any writer who sees this feel free to write it for her (him?)
> 
> Guys, this is me done.
> 
> If you are still around by the time I eventually write more of the Ziam into original novels (to completion) I'll give you a heads up when they go live on Amazon.

Possession

 

Looking back he can’t believe it, can’t believe he could ever have acted that way; felt it was okay to act that way.

Zayn was kind (well, most of the time), but he’d quite often mocked him for his ambition, for his need to be liked.

Well, Liam hadn’t liked it; hadn’t thought it particularly fair for Zayn to take out his frustrations in that specific way, added to which, of course, was the plain fact that Zayn’s mockery only served to solidify the stubbornness (which, Zayn, being the bright guy he was should have figured out for himself).

So, really, what with him being hurt and hitting back and Zayn being hurt and hitting back 2012 had been a really fucking hard year.

He honestly couldn’t even say how he’d survived, how they’d both survived it.

Things had been falling apart in more ways than one and yet they’d been expected to keep going, pretend all was fine.

It had been really fucking far from fine.

First the fact of sleeping with Zayn on tour that first time and then realising that they just weren’t going to be able to make that work – not because they didn’t work, but because being together wasn’t going to be allowed – not just like that, not ‘because they had the right to be together’.

No, apparently they didn’t have the right to be together, not when there was so much at stake.

Zayn had been infuriated, going on a long, wild rant about money grabbing racists and homophobes who’d work them into the ground then send them round the twist if it meant keeping hold of a measly dollar.

Liam wasn’t so sure, and could admit now to the plain, bald fact of his craven cowardice in the face of the company’s wrath (the mere prospect of its wrath).

He should have stood up to them, told them it was none of their business what he got up to in his private life. But like a fool he bought into the picture they painted, seeing his entire life’s ambition unraveling simply because he chose the wrong person to fall in love with.

And quite simply caved.

Zayn hadn’t been furious; he’d been devastated, certain that it meant Liam didn’t love him back, that he’d just been playing when they were together, humouring him when they’d exchanged the words.

And Liam let him believe that.

What could he do? He just wasn’t going to go against the company, so to give Zayn false hope would be worse than cowardice.

You couldn’t hide attraction, but you could hide love, and yes, he was well aware that Zayn couldn’t see the love.

Zayn had never been interested in mere sexual attraction; was all about love for Zayn and Liam was fully aware that though Zayn could tell the attraction was very much still there, he now assumed the love had been a form of pretty words Liam had used to get off, to keep him sweet.

Couldn’t blame him.

Zayn didn’t hide and couldn’t, therefore, understand how anyone who felt as he did could hide – willingly hide – ergo they didn’t feel as he did and Liam, therefore, didn’t love him.

Well, how could he claim otherwise? How could he assure Zayn he was wrong and that he was falling more and more in love with him by the day when his actions didn’t really – from Zayn’s point of view – reflect that?

And so it had gone, both of them hurting each other, feeling resentment and guilt and yearning and repressed longing.

They made the mistake of giving in to the attraction a time or two making matters a lot worse than they needed to be since he wasn’t budging from his position any time soon.

And then Zayn said fuck it and really put it to him by agreeing to ‘date’ Perrie.

Liam knew it was a poke at him and despite that, despite being fully aware of what it was, what it represented, allowed it to get to him in the worst way imaginable.

If Zayn had wanted to break him, to start the long journey to unraveling him he could not have picked a better way.

**

He wasn’t even sure how he’d felt about Perrie before. All he knew was that now he truly detested her; that everything about her turned his stomach.

And yes, he was aware that he was biased, negatively biased, but understanding something didn’t necessarily help you to get over it or even put it into perspective.

She was not his type of woman or even person and to hear her grating voice triggered something in him since it was ever associated with Zayn and the fact that Zayn had used her to hit back at him.

It probably should have been Zayn who received his ire, but it wasn’t, it was her.

If she’d been his type of person he had no doubt he’d have been able to hold it down a little more, but the fact is she wasn’t and he didn’t – couldn’t.

She was shallow, she was dumb, she was full of herself, believing they all liked her. Not even bloody Zayn liked her! She was all pally wally with them, like they were all mates, like they were all in the same boat so should all be pals.

Funny thing is that he would have been willing had she been anything like Jade – if she hadn’t had an attitude he absolutely detested.

No, there was no ‘we’re in the same boat’ with her. She thought she was better than they were, that her group was better and should be accorded top billing rather than play second fiddle to his group.

And that was fine – she could think what she liked – but to have that attitude when it was them, their name that was pushing her and the others forward, really too much.

And maybe if Zayn had liked her he’d have felt a little better about it, but he didn’t like her.

Zayn had agreed to it because he’d known it would get to him, but he didn’t like her or the arrangements and Liam felt a measure of guilt for pushing him into it.

Yeah, Zayn had agreed to it, but Liam was fairly sure he’d have said no or asked for different terms if he hadn’t been so turned around by Liam’s reluctance to just come out and tell Zayn he loved him, was committed, in it for the long haul no matter what.

If he hadn’t refused to end it with Danielle.

God, he hadn’t even loved her, but she was fucking scary. He hadn’t had any power in the relationship at all, went along with everything she did, all the things she persuaded him made sense.

God, he’d been such a coward back then

He trusted Zayn’s instincts and Zayn had disliked her from the start, had seen something in her he hadn’t, but it just wasn’t as easy as that.

Danielle was safe, kept him from being with Zayn properly and at that time this had been what he needed most, so breaking up with her just hadn’t been an option.

Looking back he can see now that it was Perrie who proved to be the spur he needed to do that.

He’d have gone on like that for ages, stringing Zayn along; wanting him, fearing the desire; fearing for his future; needing him, loving him, yearning for him, yet keeping him at arm’s length.

But then Perrie came along and everything changed.

**

Danielle was no good for him, but she did teach him a few things – to understand just how easy it is to buy people, to get people to do what you wanted them to do – with the right incentive.

It certainly came in handy down the line.

But she had been a dangerous foe he’d needed to defeat – not so much for his sake (now he was with Zayn properly it was all about Zayn) but to safeguard their future.

They’d managed to wrest control of their own future (and Zayn had been right –you just had to be willing to do it – and she seemed intent on jeopardizing it all.

So she simply had to be neutralized.

That year had been so hard, brought up so many unexpected and troublesome new wrinkles.

Funny how he’d thought by the time 2013 rolled in there’d be nothing he could experience that would upset or astonish the way the events of 2012 had.

Yeah, really funny.

**

Things were changing all around them, their intetpersonal relationships were changing; their status was changing, their relationships with their family and friends…

And it was hard, as always, trying to cope with all of that and yet present a certain image for the media, for fans.

The stress was killing them and there seemed absolutely no end in sight. All they had to look forward to was the fact of finally being together - committed, in love, faithful.

He couldn’t imagine being with anyone but Zayn, but a part of him couldn’t help worrying about the future, about the pressure and temptation eventually getting to them.

Zayn was very attractive and Liam hated that, hated the leers, the words written, the thoughts kept hidden (but clearly visible to him), the way they didn’t know Zayn was his.

And though he knew Zayn was ridiculously monogamous, as likely to be tempted as he was, he still worried.

He didn’t regard marriage as a means of preventing someone straying – not consciously – but he did see it as a solid safety net, meant to break his fall rather than Zayn’s, so he began to think about it, plan for it.

When the Marriage Act was passed in July he made up his mind.

Part of that owed much to the stresses he and Zayn had endured once Zayn got the tattoo.

He had told Zayn he thought it was a bad idea and knew that, yeah, that was mostly out of self-interest. He was well aware just how little Zayn cared about how things looked to other people, and this had always been a bone of contention between them; Zayn berating him for caring so much while showing by his actions just how little he did.

The tattoo was a case in point and was, in fact, typically Zayn, where he’d adhere to the letter of the law but not the spirit.

It was clever and Zayn had been true to his word when he’d assured Liam he’d give them their ‘proof’ along with a massive ‘fuck you’ to go along with it.

And of course he appreciated the irony, it was just that he would never, ever be okay with people mistaking it for Perrie.

Unlike Zayn he did care what people thought and he definitely hadn’t quite developed Zayn’s ability to deal with the dual life they were leading, to compartmentalize and detach himself from the audience.

He was learning to, though – from Zayn.

According to Zayn so long as you knew what something actually meant it made no sense to pretend you were being fooled in the same way the fans and general public were being fooled.

In other words you had to play the game, like it or not, the game they all had to play now – again, like it or not.

You could keep hurting yourself by trying to hold on to your sensibilities/integrity with both hands or loosen up a little and just fucking survive.

It had taken a wahile, but with Danielle’s help (she wouldn’t be flattered, given it was her example he was using to understand just how to survive with very little integrity remaining) he was in the middle of 2013 tougher, wiser, willing to play the game…

And then he made the massive mistake of confiding to the company men his intent to marry Zayn at some point.

  
**

Well, he really should have expected it.

It had taken a while and much muttering from both Zayn and Louis to see the company men for who and what they were.

They’d always favoured him so he hadn’t truly seen the nasty side of them – until he decided not to be a ‘good boy’ anymore.

Of course it had started with the thing with Zayn; them realising there was going to be an issue - namely yet even more gay to hide.

Since many of the company men were themselves gay he knew it wasn’t homophobia at the root of it, just greed, just a general annoyance at the fact that they weren’t making things as easy for the company as they’d prefer, and with that factor at the forefront of their minds – being pretty spiteful in their actions/decisions.

Though it helped to know this, didn’t make it okay.

It had, before too long, devolved into a running battle, with the company cleverly forcing them into unpleasant interviews, meetings, events while assuring them it was part of their contractual obligations; them going along but vowing not to toe the line, certainly not in the long term.

And so it continued - until the tattoo.

Zayn had played them and Liam knew they’d never let him get away with it. That they’d do something to get back at him is exactly what he’d feared when he’d tried to talk Zayn out of it. But it wasn’t like he could hand-on-heart say Zayn hadn’t done the right thing because the choice had either been irrefutable proof he was in love with Perrie or else an engagement.

Since he and Zayn were never going to agree to that Zayn did the sensible thing and went for the irrefutable proof option – except Zayn just never would have a tattoo of anyone but him on his arm, so he’d played them in the cleverest way possible.

And Liam anxiously waited to see if they’d be content to let it go since, despite the ‘play’, Zayn’s action had done the trick so far as the fans and the general public were concerned.

He hoped so, but knew them too well to trust in hope.

**

The filming had been weird all that year and last. You had to be yourself yet couldn’t quite be yourself, which made everything a lie and when he saw the way it had been edited realized just how big a lie it was.

But it was a movie and he was starring in a movie and no matter what, no-one would ever be able to take that away from him.

One day, one day he was going to make a documentary wth Zayn – about their life together and - that would more than make up for all the lies (of omission) immortalized in this movie.

But for now he would enjoy the hell out of this occasion.

**

It was unbelievable.

He’d known something was brewing, that they’d go for some big ‘moment’ what with all the focus on the premiere, but he had not expected that.

And the worst part was the way Zayn was taking it.

He hadn’t shouted, hadn’t ranted or raved – he’d gone along meek as a lamb, saying not a peep.

Looking back Liam could see that he’d simply been shell-shocked, probably at the end of his rope, unable to cope with the betrayal.

Because there was no doubt it was spite and betrayal of the worst kind.

And once again Perrie had fucked them over.

She had once tried to pass herself off as friend and co-worker, absolutely side-by-side with them in every way; them/us against the company. And yet she’d allowed Zayn’s name to be painted black, gone along with the cheating fuckery without even once giving him – any of them – the heads up.

How was that for being a company man?

And now, even more evidence of exactly how much she was on their side.

He couldn’t even imagine being asked to do something behind the other guys’ backs, something that would end up really hurting them, and not even once saying a fucking word to him?

It was then, right then that he decided she had to die.

And he wouldn’t accept any help burying the body – he’d happily do that all by himself.

Yeah, the company was to blame, but without her they would never have been able to deliver the blow quite so effectively.

Clearly they knew who they were dealing with.  
  
They’d know better than to expect to be able to put that sort of plan in action with any of them as their company man, but obviously they were well aware of her loyalty and decency toward her so called friends.

All she’d had to do was let Zayn know on the quiet just what they had planned – just so they wouldn’t have been broadsided that way. Zayn would never have dropped her in it. She should have known that about him.

She’d been told about the plan to plant the cheating story in the press and hadn’t said a fucking word to Zayn; had been around him, chatted to him, got close to him - and kept it all to herself.

So, really, this shouldn’t have come as any surprise.

Of course she wasn’t aware of his plans to ask Zayn to marry him, but she knew they were together so must have known how hard this would be on them – on Zayn – and she hadn’t given a fuck.

If she ever came within an inch of him again he would kill her.

**

He shouldn’t have blamed Zayn for any of it, but he did. As far as he as concerned Zayn brought it all on by fucking them over with the tattoo.

They didn’t like being made fools of and since they had the means they were always going to make him pay.

Zayn should bloody well know that what hurt him hurt Liam twice as much and hurting Zayn seemed to be very much on the agenda – had been for a while. Further evidence of their annoyance at having to cater to his differences.

What kind of company resented doing the very thing for which they were set up in the first place?

Seemed to Liam that they wouldn’t be content until they got rid of Zayn, making it easier for them to devise a strategy to take in the homogenized nature of the new look band.

Over his dead body, but still, they were annoyed and had hit back – at him too.

But if they thought they’d broken his spirit, made him think twice about being with Zayn, marrying Zayn, well they clearly had no idea who they were messing with.

  
**

It was funny, but he just couldn’t stay mad at Zayn for long. Same went for Zayn.

There’d been occasions – quite a few – when they’d be so angry, so sure they were done with the other, yet it had never ‘taken’, never got anywhere close to being solid, a real thing. So now they’d see the disagreements for what they were, no longer fret that this time it would be over for good.

Over was simply not even a word in their vocabulary when it came to them, to how they felt about being together.

Zayn was right for him and he was right for Zayn. Why then would they be looking to kick it with someone who wasn’t perfect for them?

Maybe there was someone out there more perfect for him than Zayn, but he somehow doubted that, not like them being together hadn’t been a massive orchestration by the universe, as Zayn put it.

Liam wasn’t at all religious, but Zayn said a lot of things that made a lot of sense – and that was one of them.

Everything about them being together seemed designed, fated, and, like Zayn, he didn’t believe the universe would go to that much trouble just to break them up at the earliest opportunity.

And it wasn’t like they were together because it was the easy option. It had been anything but easy, anything but plain sailing, anything but the obvious ‘choice’. They’d both had to make hard, and yes, mature, decisions along the way and god knows they’d probably still be required to do so well into the future.

But if that was the case then he was going to do it because Zayn was officially his in every way that counted.

Okay, he wasn’t able to let every man and his dog know that, had to endure them not knowing that; acting like that wasn’t so, but it was so and even if he was the only one who knew it that was enough; the fact of it being so was more than enough.

But still, even if the world didn’t know Zayn was his, wouldn’t know for ages probably he wasn’t going to let that stop him making it really, really official.

Zayn wasn’t going to say no, but he might come up with some really stupid ideas as to how they might achieve things.

Sometimes Zayn needed someone to sit him down and say: ‘mate, stop being so bloody ‘clever’. You don’t get points for clever – not in this game.’

And that someone might as well be him.

Oh, but maybe after he’d kissed him breathless, smiled and smiled at him till his jaw ached…

**

“Fancy coming over to mine tonight, babe?”

“Told you, Arsh is coming over tonight.”

“What, all night? Can’t you come over for a bit afterwards?”

Zayn snorted. “You think Arsh is gonna leave at 7 0 clock or something? Come on, man, you know we’ll be there well into the early hours.”

“I know, but, can’t you just spare a few hours?”

There was a short silence on the line and Liam knew that the likelihood of him getting his way was diminishing by the second. “What is it, we seen each other the other day. Arsh is only down for a bit.”

Trust him to make this more difficult… “Zayn, come on, man, stop being a prat.”

Another silence, with him weighing up the pros and the cons – leaving his friend for a few hours in favour of sex with Liam or no sex with Liam, bantering and smoking all night with his mate. Liam had no doubt which option would come out on top, he just hadn’t wanted to make it about that to get him to come over. “Okay, but don’t expect me until after 12.”

“You make things so damn hrd, babe.”

“Counting on it.”

“Whatever. See you bang on 12.”

“I expect a decent breakfast this time.”

“You’ll get one.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“Love you.”

After he hung up he stood for a while, revising his plans.

Damn Zayn for being so bloody awkward.

Now it’d have to be a proposal over bloody breakfast instead.

Well, Zayn had always been a contrary so-and-so. If only he could guarantee marriage would change that…

**

Zayn was contrary alright, he arrived bang on the dot of 10.

Liam wanted to protest, but he wasn’t a bloody idiot and who the fuck would say no to Zayn arriving early just so he could have sex with you for longer?

  
**

“So.”

“So?”

“The hell?”

“That is not what you was saying a second ago.”

“Not complaining, but what the fuck got into you?”

“You really want me to answer that?” He bit him on the belly.

“Man, you are hot as fuck.”

“Oh now he notices.”

“Oh I noticed, but you know…wow!”

Laughing, Zayn rolled on top of him, kissed him hard on the mouth. “’S’all for you, babe.”

“Hmm, about that.”

“Serious talk? Nah, bro. Not now.”

“Yes, now.”

“Nah.”

Liam held his gaze. “I love you, am so in love with you.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Zayn.”

“Yeah?”

“Marry me.”

“Okay.”

“Oh great. First you make me fuck up the proposal and now you’re like hurting my feelings with your underwhelming response.”

“Any more enthusiasm and you’d accuse me of taking the piss.”

Liam’s shrug conceded the point. “True, but still.”

“And actually, you stole my thunder.”

“What does that even mean? I’ve always wondered that.”

“Same can be said for a lot of these sayings, though, bro – they make no sense and you sometimes start wondering how the hell they came about in the first place.”

“Like, who’s Mike or Pete?”

“What?”

“My nan’s always saing ‘for the love of Mike’ or ‘for Pete’s sake’. I mean who the fuck are Mike and Pete?”

“Exactly. They make no sense, we just accept them and say them ourselves at some point. Cos trust me I don’t know how you stole my thunder and why I’ve even got thunder I can call my own, but yeah you stole my thunder.”

Liam grinned, kissed his mouth. “So what were you going to do then?”

“Slip something under your pillow.”

“What, tonight?”

“I got a ring, yeah.”

“On you?”

“No, cos I wasn’t gonna do it tonight.”

“When?”

“What’s with the interrogation?”

Liam wrapped both arms around him. “How long you been planning it?”

“Erm, since the second week I knew you?”

Liam hadn’t been expecting that and was rendered speechless, the emotion welling up so swiftly, so inexorably he was sure this would go down in history as the shortest time sapn between the saying of words and spilling of tears.

Well, Zayn hadn’t said it because he knew Liam was a stoic and one not prone to easy tears.

No, he’d said it because he’d wanted to make him bawl like a baby.

Apparently, just because you wanted to marry someone didn’t mean you weren’t above making them bawl like a fucking baby.

Liam was fairly sure marriage wasn’t going to alter that any time soon and god help him he bloody well welcomed that fact.

  
**

“I could still do it though.”

They were at the kitchen table, Liam having persuaded Zayn to get out of bed to breakfast with him.

“What?”

“Propose. Properly.”

“If you like.”

“Zayn, you do know this is a big deal, don’t you?”

“What, of course I do. How does what I just said imply that I don’t?”

“But I proposed and you’re just like.” He made a gornmless ‘Zayn face’, which got him a clip around the ear. “But it’s true.”

“I’m not all…” He did an impression of Liam’s impression of him. “I’m just so happy I gotta keep it all inside.”

“Since when, you fucking drama queen! You don’t believe in curbing your emotions at all!”

“Yeah I do – when it’s something massive.”

“Well, don’t. I want to see you spill all over me.” He grinned at Zayn’s grin. “And yeah I’ll have a hose ready for clean up.”

“Oh you do not want me to spill all over you.”

“Again,” he said, grin even wider.

“That was something weren’t it?”

“it wasn’t ‘something’, Zayn, it was me with a headful of spunk.”

“I know but they say it makes good shampoo – got lots of protein.”

“They can bloody well keep it. I’d prefer L’Oreal.”

Giggling they tussled for a while in fond remembrance.

He was aching, he was bruised. Zayn, on the other hand, seemed to be sprightly as fuck and twice as hot.

“How come you never end up all bruised and that? How come, no matter what we do, it’s always me ends up looking I’ve gone 25 rounds with Mike Tyson?”

Zayn’s grin was smug. “You really want me to answer that?”

“Go on then.”

Still grinning, Zayn leaned over and whispered in his ear.

Liam rolled his eyes.

  
**

“So you gonna wear it out?” The ring looked great on Zayn’s slender finger – as did all his rings.

“Yeah, course I am.”

“They’ll notice.”

“Good.”

“They’ll talk.”

“They never bloody get it right so it don’t even matter. You ready or what?”

“Zayn, you surely cannot be up for another round. It’s 11 0 clock in the morning!”

“And? Don’t forget your overnight bag. And you know I prefer my bed.”

“What you mean is you don’t have any neighbours so you can make as much noise as you like.”

“Yeah, and?”

“I want to see the full scenario, played out completely, no steps left out.”

“What you on about?”

“Your proposal. I want it – all of it, every detail.”

Zayn, in the doorway, rolled his eyes. “You know it’s redundant now you’ve stole my thunder don’t you?”

“And? Let’s play a game. You know how much I like playing games.” And he was barely able to keep the smug smile off his face when he saw the not so subtle change in Zayn’s eyes. “Bet I can make up for stealing your thunder.”

“Best believe,” he said, hand resting possessively on Liam’s arse, and Liam couldn’t help wondering if he could get away with wearing a ring any time soon.

 


End file.
